‘Slutcracker’ Is Good & Smutty Holiday Fun (4 Stars)

‘The Slutcracker’  Created, Directed and Choreographed by Vanessa White; Score Adapted by  Mikel Toms of First Creative and the Brno Philharmonic from the original score by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. At the Somerville Theater, 55 Davis Square, Somerville, MA through 12/31.

We’re giving two pairs of tickets to the 12/19 show. Thank me later, and enter to win via giveaways@eventsinsider.com.

Have you ever gone to “The Nutcracker” and left the theater thinking to yourself, “That was pretty good, but you know what would make it even better? Some nipple clamps, a couple of dominatrixes and a 10 foot peppermint stick dildo!” Even if you haven’t had those thoughts, you’ll probably still have a raunchy good time at the often outrageous, never boring presentation of the ‘Slutcracker’ running through New Year’s Eve at the Somerville Theater in Davis Square

Let me first warn you that “Slutcracker” isn’t for everyone,
particularly evangelicals, conservatives or anybody who thinks sex begins and
ends with married men and women doing it in the missionary position. That is
clear right from the outset when MC Mehran Khaghani welcomes all the
“sluts” to the show and promises them that they can be sluts and
still find love, apparently as long as they’re willing to indulge in massive
amounts of overly enthusiastic oral sex.

In case you haven’t guessed, the “Slutcracker” is a parody of the
holiday favorite, ‘The Nutcracker’ the two-act ballet with a score by Pyotr
Ilyich Tchaikovsky that traditionally is performed around Christmas by ballet
companies all over the world, but has sadly always lacked crucial porn
elements. Until now (or more precisely, six years ago when this version was
first performed). The Slutcracker is essentially what you’d get if the Boston
Ballet and the Golden Banana on Route 1 had a baby. On Christmas. What it is a
re-telling of the classic tale that substitutes burlesque dancers for
ballerinas, leather fetishists for Sugar Plum fairies, and in place of
Nutcrackers, we get a vibrating marital aid (one that also comes to life and
gives joy to young girls).

The plot pretty much follows the original, except Clara and Fritz are now a
just-engaged couple, and drunken Christmas party guests stand in for the
children. The Drosselmeyer role is assumed by an oversexed Auntie instead of
the neighborhood magician, and she gives her niece the vibrator that will soon
become her real life lover in the form of the Slutcracker Prince (whose costume
is pretty priceless). Hilarity, debauchery and some titillating dance routines ensue.

Although staged as a ballet, this is more of a party event (a la Rocky
Horror) than a “sit down and shut up” theater performance. There
isn’t as much audience participation, but a number of performers run up and
down the aisles throughout the show. Some of the dancers are actually quite
good, particularly Oliver Tryst (as the Slutcracker Prince) and director and
creator Vanessa White as the Sugar Dish Fairy, and there are a number of
standout performers and performances, including a routine involving electric
hula hoops and a very funny orgy number. Not all of the cast are trained ballet
dancers, but they all seem to have some sort of background in dance and move
beautifully for the most part. The choreography is well executed in synch with
the score and the enthusiasm level of the cast seems boundless. One of the
interesting things about this show versus ballet (or a strip joint for that
matter) is that burlesque accommodates lots of body types, so the dancers don’t
look like they have eating disorders or aren’t your standard Foxy Lady pole
dancers, either. There’s a mix of very fit people mixed in with some
plus-sizes, petites and even a body builder. Just like the rest of the human
race. In case you’re wondering, there’s no full nudity or even topless
performances, so it’s more like a fetish version of the Victoria Secret catalog
that comes to your mailbox. The costuming is imaginatively pervy, and the sound
system at the Somerville Theater is killer, which is a huge plus given that the
crowd (which tends to be dominated by twenty-somethings but has plenty of older
folks as well) is a lot more raucous than say, the people that attend the

There are two casts for the run of this show (“Amazing” and
Bodacious”) so if you’ve got a friend in this production, you may want to
check with them to make sure they’ll be performing that night. This is a great
alternative to the standard holiday fare, and a whole lot sexier than
“It’s a Wonderful Life”. For more info, go to: